we run because we want to be chased.

it's a sunny friday afternoon and it's approaching evening time. when everything slows down. when there's nobody really around. when it's just me and maxxie in my cosy little room. and i'm thinking about certain this and that. and wondering to myself why i start thinking about this and that when i'm left alone and when the sun is beginning to go down. i sit with the door open. listening to the sounds of the birds chirping. are they looking for each other? who am i looking for?

and my dear maxxie, you're so cute. you just. melt my heart and make me want to love you more. are you happy that your bedding has been changed? or do you miss the old smells? get used to it alright, i'm going to change it often and bathe you often. then you can have brand new starts all the time. unlike us. unlike me. unlike humans like us. you're just a little pet hamster and i will love and care for you so you won't have to worry about insecurities and sadness. i'll give you a towel when it gets cold at night with the aircon at 23 degrees. i'll bring you down to visit my friends. and i'll secretly feed you more treats than your other owner allows. i'll be your wonderwall.

dear me, myself and i. how i wish i could feel as free as can be. how i wish time can just stop at this very moment while i embrace these very carefree and happy moments of my life. how i wish guilt doesn't ever exist. and how i wish the future will never come so that i can forever and ever be holding onto your sweaty hands.

i think it's beginning to get to me. and it's time i considered my options. it's time i stop playing around with my own heart and think about what it is i want. or maybe it's just time to let go of all my emotions and just enjoy every little moment that i'm holding on to now. because today will never come back and tomorrow may never come. yesterdays will only fade away. slowly but surely.

and love, my dear love, you're talented in taking my breath away, every single day.