dontthinkyouknow

@blogspot

this is goodbye.

shifting.

life is so good. it's almost perfect. and it's scary. because when you're up so high, you can fall so bad too. what isn't scary is probably not really worth doing anyway right, but this is really, really scary. it's like presenting a whole series of pretty, picture-perfect images to the world and then waiting for that moment, that one moment of realisation. that this is all, just a dream.

and amidst all these warm fuzzy feeling, there always exists in me, this tinge of insecurity. it always happens. always. i don't know if it's a part of my inferiority complex or is it because of circumstance but every single time it happens. perhaps i've been thrown into the depths of pain and hurt too many times and this situation becomes all too familiar. almost a deja vu. but i must trust. but so what if i trust. i can trust the person i love, but i can't trust those who love her. nothing is ever fair in this world, especially not love. and i know too well how things can just take a turn for the worse even when you least expect it to. how can i let my guard down. will you protect my heart like you protected somebody else's?

maybe deep down inside i know you would. i know how much you love me in so little time. but i guess the insecurities take over and sometimes i can't tell anymore.

i know i should be grateful. i am. i know i am lucky. i really am. how many people would wish to be in my situation. to live together with someone they love. to be able to wake up to the smell and sight of your cute little face every single day. how much more can i ask for? yet it is so easy to want more.

it is so easy to compare myself with someone else. so easy to find fault with myself. even the good things become flaws just because they are different from what she is. and i know i shouldn't compare. but who wouldn't?

i can't measure up in many areas. but at least we are happy. today. yesterday. we will be happy tomorrow. and sometimes i feel like just walking on with you, forever. can i?

it's odd that all these feelings are coming out of me right now at this time. because i should be all happy celebrating today. the 8th. our monthsary.

maybe it's all the stress from the deadlines and exams coming and everything but i just feel somber today. no i am not unhappy. i am happy. happy that you held me in your arms procrastinating over going for morning class. happy that we had a superb lunch at swensen's together. happy that we sat outside the theatre waiting for our classes to start. happy that i ended class early today and crashed your lecture and watched the movie with you holding back tears because it was so sad. happy that you held my hand. happy that i am going to see you soon after your project meeting. happy that tonight we will lie as we do every night, talking to each other, occasionally singing to sleep. happy that you're happy with me. i am happy. but don't happy people have troubles too?

人改变不了改变不了的事情

相遇的那天漾着微笑的你
那个微笑
还是很美丽
可惜那个人常常要让人哭泣

太耀眼的城市不适合看星星
就如同你的心不适合谈安定
谢谢你让我伤过心
学会爱情并非执迷
人改变不了改变不了的事情


记得要忘记忘记
我提醒自己
你已经是
人海中的一个背影
长长时光
我应该要有新的回忆

人无法决定会为谁动心
但至少可以决定放不放弃
我承认我
还是会爱着你
但我将永不再触碰这记忆

记得要忘记忘记
经过我的你
毕竟只是很偶然的那种相遇
不会不容易
我有一辈子
足够用来忘记
我还有一辈子
可以用来努力
我一定会忘记你

don't go too far.
we all can be civil. and that's what i've been trying to do. think civil thoughts. think for her because i know how she feels for not being in the picture anymore. only doing it because you matter to me more than ever now and every passing day just assures me that you're going to be here for a long time and will hold and love me with a pure and joyful heart.

don't go too far.
everyone has limits and so do we. it makes me sad seeing you fret over protecting my little heart and protecting this young but deep love that we share. and it makes me angry because i am not in control and you ain't in control and how we're helpless in this situation. what should i do, you ask me. i can't dictate your thoughts and actions, but i will support you and be there for you, no matter how you decide, as long as you have our best interest at heart.

don't go too far.
i've tried very hard and i didn't ask for this. we didn't ask to fall so fast and fall so deeply in this happy world. if you truly care, please learn to let go, let live and learn how to love properly because constantly affecting someone who cares about you isn't loving.

face the facts, life goes on even if you can't. time waits for no one, not me, not you, not anyone. with a bigger heart, you'll be happier.

face the facts.

i'm facing this same shit, except it is worse because i'm now in this picture that can only have two people.