should've seen it coming, should've read the signs.

i'm happy in a hazy floaty way. it's like everything around me seems unreal and all that i am is just a transient and very temporal existence in this hazy world. it's like i'm wrapped in a transparent happy bubble that may burst anytime. it will burst.

what will february bring?

just do, don't think. life brings you a lot to experience if you're willing to experience it, doesn't it?

goodbye january,
you're never coming back to me again.

auld lang syne

love and faith,
they're on a holiday.

you and me, we're an entity.

in my dreams

you're far away tonight. you don't know how easy it is to miss you even when you're near. and you will never know the torrents of emotions that surge through my heart when the sound of your voice resonates within the room. how warm it is when you're near. and how cold my heart feels when you're not here. and you're not here tonight.

i wrote everything i wanted to say to you down, but you never knew what it was i meant. because i am only good at writing them between the lines. while you never knew betweenthelines existed.

and another day passes by and you're nearer and farther and nearer and farther. it's days like this that make me feel so unsettled. can't do a thing right. can't make things right. and i can't even string those words together. how can i even begin to lose this feeling. i can't shake it out of me. i don't want to.

it's so difficult to walk away but it's even harder to stay. i can never understand how i beat myself up again and again by choosing the most difficult route in this world. to stay and miss you when you're just beside me.

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Every time I see you all the rays of the sun
Are streaming through the waves in your hair;
And every star in the sky is taking aim
At your eyes like a spotlight,
The beating of my heart is a drum, and its lost
And its looking for a rhythm like you.
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.
Ive got to follow it, cause everything I know, well its nothing till I give it to you.

I can make the run or stumble,
I can make the final block;
And I can make every tackle, at the sound of the whistle,
I can make all the stadiums rock.
I can make tonight forever,
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn;
And I can make you every promise that has ever been made,
And I can make all your demons be gone.

But Im never gonna make it without you,
Do you really want to see me crawl? 
And Im never gonna make it like you do,
Making love out of nothing at all.

been waiting for this day but it just doesn't seem to come. been waiting for this moment but it always seems just out of reach. been waiting for a lifetime but a lifetime never seems to want to end. been waiting for the right words to say but a spell has been cast and there's nothing i can say. been waiting for you but who are you?

i can never get used to feeling like this. every day.

it's not like we spent anytime gazing up at the stars or anything like that but it is better than i imagined it to be. it's always the little things that count and i wish i could count every little thing and put them in a glass bottle, recounting it whenever i wish to. but these things come and go too quickly, i can never quite grasp them. and i wish that tonight will just come to a stop and then there won't be anymore hopes and dashing of hopes. there won't be no tomorrow and all that there will be is tonight.

i could try putting down in words, what it is my heart is telling me. but there's no word that befits you. there's nothing i can say, or rather there is just too much for me to say. i could trying painting a picture cos they say a picture paints a thousand words. but the canvas is too big. and i am no painter. and all i end up trying to do, is coming a full circle and starting another, without really doing anything.

the extremes of sadness and joy are usually blatantly shown on my face. but i don't deal with disappointments all that well. that sinking feeling of being disappointed affects my mood but it does not affect the way i talk or laugh. most people know me as the girl who laughs at anything and everything. but only i know what lies beneath the laughter. 

being disappointed with myself but knowing that i really put in my best does not justify anything. it only makes me feel a little worse because i feel incompetent, unable to rise up to the occasion. 

i may be disappointed but i won't blame myself. the only way to move is forward and we will get there.

not just another face in the crowd.

it has been such a good time and i'm so happy in this new place that i can't believe that it has only been just 2 weeks since i moved. been pretty much occupied with school and floorball and i hope this enthusiasm for school will not fade as time passes by.

i can't really make the words flow anymore and i can't think of what it is i want to say in this little space. i guess the problem with technology is that it makes us more transparent than we want to be. and it also makes us all hypocrites in the way we think and portray ourselves to the world.

there are words that were never meant to be written, said or heard. words that were meant to heal but ended up hurting instead. words that exist and those that don't. sometimes those unspoken words are the words we need the most. why can't we speak our minds. why do we need to be tactful. why do humans need to experience more than just love and hate. why are there grey areas. why is there not a bold line that divides right and wrong. why must we always be sitting on the fence. why say what you don't mean and regret what you've said. why keep what you mean to yourself and regret what you never said. why be so fickle-minded. why can't we predict the future.

我像是一个你可有可无的影子

和寂寞交换着悲伤的心事

time is running out. i feel like i'm racing against time and i have no idea where to stand, where the starting line is. i feel like it's over before the race even began. i feel like a million and one things. and most of all, i feel like making time stop at exactly that moment when.... ....

Wednesday:	Thursday:	Friday:
9.30am-1230pm HL208 Singapore Lit & Culture HSSSEMRM 7	9.30-12.30pm HL225 Readings in Poetry HSSSEMRM 6	10am-1pm GV17 Magic of Voice in World Singing ART-B1-03
4.30pm-7.30pm AAI484 Choir NIE3-02-04	2.30pm-5.30pm HL210 East Asian Lit S3-SR3	2.30pm-5-30pm HL324 Contemporary Women’s Writing HSSSEMRM 7

my timetable is wonderful.

i'm not as transparent as you think.

there's still a colour missing in the rainbow.

很想你也不是因为失去你
爱了你用尽我全心全力
一生情只为这一次与你相遇
情难了难再续难再醒
 

人分飞爱相随
那怕用一生去追
我又怎么能追得回
与你相慰我为你痴为你累
风雨我都不后悔
我又怎么有路可退
曾经深情你给了谁

leaving behind the dull and dreary place i used to call home. an isolation that i'm gladly forgoing for better times ahead. gonna have my rainbow cake and eat it day after day. savour it for as long as it lasts. feel it melting in my mouth. hoping it tastes just as good as it looks.

I’m not going to lie, though I do it often. When someone matters, I’ll tell them the truth, just like the way I only smile when it’s needed. I don’t overuse things, because things easily lose their meaning that way. 

I think you’re an amazing person. You’re smart, clever, witty, incredible with words and with the colours that flutter from each stroke of your paintbrush. When I look in your eyes, I see the sky. You’re still a bird trapped in that cage of yours, and one day, I’ll be there to see you fly.


people come and go. there are certain people in your life whom you get close to. others just seem to be distant. yet there are the few that you purposely distance yourself from not because you don't want to get close to them but because you rather they stayed in your life than went away.

before we melt away...

Are there ever adequate words for this experience? When you are suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of feeling, a knowing, when you are drawn to someone in this way? With the strength of the unavoidable? 

what if there's only a moment left to say the words you mean to say. would you grab that moment or would you let it pass you by? sometimes silence speaks much more than words. it is only up to you to listen to the silent words. and sometimes words are not merely what they appear to be. it is up to you to read between the lines.

have you ever had a notebook that you write all kinds of things in it. daily to-do lists, homework, reminders, thoughts, sketches. some people write their to-do lists in the front few pages for convenience. they write reminders and homework at the back pages for convenience. but their sketches and thoughts could be hidden near the middle of the book. unseen. untold. unknown.

before we melt away...
sit a little closer to me

It made me wonder how many times we forgive just because we don’t want to lose someone, even if they 
don’t deserve our forgiveness.


deserve. what a big word. who deserves what? what is deserving, who is deserving.

i finally came to realise that you're no longer a friend. how can you be one when the way you carry yourself embarrasses me and those around you? how can you be when you throw away years just for the moment. i came to realise in the end, that forgiving is easy. but only towards those who deserve it. and you don't.