we run because we want to be chased.

life is so good. it's almost perfect. and it's scary. because when you're up so high, you can fall so bad too. what isn't scary is probably not really worth doing anyway right, but this is really, really scary. it's like presenting a whole series of pretty, picture-perfect images to the world and then waiting for that moment, that one moment of realisation. that this is all, just a dream.

and amidst all these warm fuzzy feeling, there always exists in me, this tinge of insecurity. it always happens. always. i don't know if it's a part of my inferiority complex or is it because of circumstance but every single time it happens. perhaps i've been thrown into the depths of pain and hurt too many times and this situation becomes all too familiar. almost a deja vu. but i must trust. but so what if i trust. i can trust the person i love, but i can't trust those who love her. nothing is ever fair in this world, especially not love. and i know too well how things can just take a turn for the worse even when you least expect it to. how can i let my guard down. will you protect my heart like you protected somebody else's?

maybe deep down inside i know you would. i know how much you love me in so little time. but i guess the insecurities take over and sometimes i can't tell anymore.

i know i should be grateful. i am. i know i am lucky. i really am. how many people would wish to be in my situation. to live together with someone they love. to be able to wake up to the smell and sight of your cute little face every single day. how much more can i ask for? yet it is so easy to want more.

it is so easy to compare myself with someone else. so easy to find fault with myself. even the good things become flaws just because they are different from what she is. and i know i shouldn't compare. but who wouldn't?

i can't measure up in many areas. but at least we are happy. today. yesterday. we will be happy tomorrow. and sometimes i feel like just walking on with you, forever. can i?

it's odd that all these feelings are coming out of me right now at this time. because i should be all happy celebrating today. the 8th. our monthsary.

maybe it's all the stress from the deadlines and exams coming and everything but i just feel somber today. no i am not unhappy. i am happy. happy that you held me in your arms procrastinating over going for morning class. happy that we had a superb lunch at swensen's together. happy that we sat outside the theatre waiting for our classes to start. happy that i ended class early today and crashed your lecture and watched the movie with you holding back tears because it was so sad. happy that you held my hand. happy that i am going to see you soon after your project meeting. happy that tonight we will lie as we do every night, talking to each other, occasionally singing to sleep. happy that you're happy with me. i am happy. but don't happy people have troubles too?